Yes!! The real question is , do athiests care?

I read a story today about a man who said he felt like a real hypocrite and that people saying he was also didn't make him feel any better.

He said all he wanted to do was please his Christian wife on her special day...but still he wonders about himself because he still doesn't believe in God - he just deeply loves his wife.

Depends, I think in some cases people only do it out of respect for their partner and their family so yes they are technically a hypocrite.

In other cases maybe being exposed to a partner who has faith has opened their mind to the idea and in that case I think you can slide by the hypocrite label. Nothing wrong with changing your mind.

it is an act of respect, there is nothing hypocritical about it. I would suggest if the atheist partner refused, that the marriage is in trouble before it began. I now of two specific instance involving close friends whose marriages went south, because of religion. In both cases, neither partner was the least bit religious before marriage. In bot cases after a child came on board all of a sudden the wife was insistent that the child be raised in her religion, and in each case objected to allowing the child to take part in "holiday" celebrations of the husbands family.

How your child will be raised should be a necessary discussion and sense of agreement before such an important step is taken. My guess is that in 95% of the cases the wife's faith will be the child's.

i agree with grandpa, in his point about it not being hypocritical, and that it is important that mixed couples discuss religion before making any sort of commitment. but mixed marriages do work, depending on the couple.

ps. i took my dad's religion. i'm an oddball

One thing I know for certain...the more you have in common the better off you'll be as a couple. Religious differences can really undermine a relationship. Sure it seems something negotiable--but when children start arriving that becomes a big issue.

I don't think honoring your mate's religion is bad and I don't think it is hypocritical. I do think it is important to check out those details if you are considering having children.

If you find that one is hoping the other will "come around" eventually to their choice of religion...you are on a path to disaster. That is the equivalent of hoping he may suddenly sprout hair on a bald head...or she may find that waist somewhere in the middle--someday. It isn't realistic.

I'm an atheist who married a non-practicing catholic. We got married by a non-denominational pastor in my husband's step-father's church. (My husband's mother was in an abusive marriage, and her husband eventually abandoned her. Although the catholic church does not allow divorces, the church anulled her first marriage and permitted her to marry again.)

We did not want to get married in a church - my husband and I wanted to get married on the beach by a JP. However, my husband's mother and grandmother said they could not attend a wedding ceremony that did not take place in a church. They felt they would be sinning because their mere presence meant they approved of weddings outside of a church, which is a huge sin in their eyes.

To compromise since my husband wanted his mother and grandmother (who helped raise him) there, my husband and I agreed to get married in a church as long as it was a very plain non-denominational ceremony. His mother/grandmother were still mad that it was not a catholic church/ceremony and that I did not convert to catholicism. I will not convert to a religion seeing as to how I don't believe in God.

I couldn't have a catholic ceremony because that would offend my parents. My mother was catholic but when my parents moved to a new town - they were too poor to pay "tithes" and the priest of that church told them they could not attend that church if they weren't paying the tithes. So my parents stopped going to church. (side note: a few years ago that priest was convicted of molesting little boys, which very well could have been my brother, so it was a good thing they stopped going.) My mom has a very strong hatred of the catholic church and at the time of our wedding, I respected her too much to get married in the church she hates so much.

I don't think I'm a hypocrit. The ceremony meant a lot to my husband and I'm glad I participated in it. He knows I'm an atheist - I view the marriage license as a sign of my commitment.

I have never heard in my entire life where attending a Catholic service was contingent on any contribution let alone a tithe. I just have a difficult time accepting this story.

Grandpa - it was a corrupt priest at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Mechanicsburg, PA. I do not believe he was still at St. Joseph's when the molestation charges came against him, but he was priest at St. Joseph's back in the early 80's.

My mother used to tell me she was excommunicated from the catholic church but after talking with my husband's family who are pretty strong catholics, they said she wasn't excommunicated, that that could only come from the pope. She thought because this one priest told her not to return, that it meant she was excommunicated. Regardless, this priest was charged with molestation and was removed by the Diocese. I have no reason not to believe he told my parents not to return if they couldn't make regular donations each week - maybe he was trying to take advantage of new people. My parents were poor and in their former town, the church used to collect food donations and give it to them, so they were not prepared for a new church that demanded a donation just to sit in a pew. I do know my mom stopped attending the catholic church after moving to this town. I will be the first one to admit my mother is of questionable character and this happened when I was an infant, but she has been adamant about this priest saying that for the past 30 years and I tend to believe her on this one.

There has to be something missing in the story, if that priest told your grand mom she was excommunicated. My parents married in the early 1930's. Mom was a papist , dad a protestant. It created quite a stir back then with the mothers on both sides (my grandfathers were already long dead by then. They had to go through hoops to get married in a Catholic church with my dad having to swear to have any kids raised as Catholics, even then they could not get married with a nuptial mass, or on the main alter, but had to get married on the side alter. Times sure have changed in the last 75 years, heck in the last 50 years.

I dont' understand why something has to be missing? I explained that my mother falsely thought she was excommunicated. She thought the priest had excommunicated her by telling her she was not welcomed at his church. The priest did tell her not to return because she could not make the donations he wanted her to. This occurred in 1981. The priest was later convicted (mid 2000's) of molestation and corruption and was removed by the Diocese of Harrisburg.

Just because the catholic church does not recognize the marriage does not mean the person cannot be a member of the church. My mom was a member of the church even though the church did not recognize her marriage. She eloped when she was 16 and found out she was pregnant with my brother. The catholic church she grew up with continued to welcome her and my brother to participate in church. I don't know if my dad ever attended with them or not. When they moved to a new town, this new church had a problem but it had nothing to do with her marriage - rather the fact that they were too poor to make the donations the priest requested of them. When my parents would visit their hometown, my mom would always make it a point to attend sunday mass at her childhood church, where she still welcomed.

It is a priest telling anyone, even the excommunicated not to return to the church is contra to all the teachings of the church. A person who is excommunicated is always welcome to attend mass, it is in receiving "holy Communion" that there is the prohibition. Of the seven sacraments only three are prohibited, Holy Communion, Confirmation, Church wedding, and of course holy orders. Mass, confession, and extreme unction are still allowed. I forget the current term for what would be "last rights".

Grandpa - what are you saying? You said something more had to be going on for the priest to tell my family not to return. The priest was corrupt - what more does there have to be? He was even convicted of corruption and molestation. I guess I'm not understanding your point in relation to the priest telling my family not to return.

On a sidenote - my mom recieved a letter from the Catholic Church a few years ago stating that the church did not recognize her marriage to my father and how she can go about having a catholic wedding ceremony that would be recognized (including converting my dad to catholicism). It was funny because she had already been married over 30 years when she received this letter.

A corrupt priest would have to be psychotic, to draw attention to himself by making pronouncements so contrary to church teachings, it would only attack unwanted attention to himself. My dad did not have to convert to Catholicism to be married by the church, only had to agree that any children from the union would be raised Catholic.

There was no more conservative catholic country in the world the Ireland at the time. You could say that Ireland practiced catholic sharia

Well this priest definitely was of questionable judgment

Catholic Sharia? That's good, I'll have to mention that to my hubby to see what he thinks.

St. Patrick's day was a Holy Day of Obligation, and all pubs were closed in Ireland back then. People would stop work in the fields for the angelus when the church bells rang at 3;00 PM

The bars were closed on St Patrick's Day?!?! I thought it was a requirement to drink on that most Holy day?

Not at all, the celebration with a March started in NYC, at a time that there was rampant discrimination against the Irish

now they have a parade in Dublin, 40 years ago they didn't

Oh wow! I just logged in and as I was looking around TresSugar I saw this blog featured on one of the main pages.

http://www.tressugar.com/6263170#comments

How cool

As for an atheist man marrying a religious woman inside of her church......

Well, I don't see anything wrong if the atheist is just doing this out of love for his wife. He still is an atheist afterwards but their spouse is happy. It's a one time action and it's not that big of a deal.

Although, there are certain ways that an atheist can say their wedding vows without promising anything in God's name.

A persons oath is as good as the person giving it, no more no less. If my wife wanted me to wanted me to wear mickey mouse ears, as part of the ceremony, I would, why not it makes her happy and does not harm me.

You've made a good point *Grandpa* Who does it honestly hurt...no one really.